Years ago (around 12ish according to the time stamp) I remembered being recommended a video of people making smart decisions in horror movies. Was probably shared through BoingBoing or Cracked or some such. Something I watched a couple of times and enjoyed. One clip in particular, one poking fun at The Ring, especially stuck with me. Would drift back up in memory from time to time.
Alas, I had lost any links or bookmarks to get back to it.
Admittedly it’s an old and often tired trope. “Why so dumb in horror movie? Surely they can understand they are in a fictional universe and could just guess all the rules and it will work out ok even if it destroys the plot!”
Are you telling me if you got a million dollar home in inheritance you would throw it all away the first time your kid paints a strange picture and talks to a dark closet? Some ghosts you try and live with. Especially when jackass authors have saddled you with a million dollars of gambling debt and a divorce or some such.
It’s a story. There is no character an author can write that is so clever as to not be subjected to the evils the author visits upon them. And vice versa. At the same time. Entertainment is found in the balance.
STILL…when the joke is done well it is worth a hearty chuckle.
I am glad that Youtube just went “Oh, you want to watch this again?” out of nowhere, yesterday.
When his friend brags about having the cursed tape “which kills you in five days” (inflation apparently hitting hard in the post-Ringu economy) he takes the tape and smashes it. And it has cracked me up for some time because of the sheer degree he smashes it.
Jason K. Pargin — the author behind such Doug-favorite novels as John Dies at the End and, more recently, I’m Starting to Worry About This Black Box of Doom — posted a Youtube Short yesterday about social-awkwardness-slash-anxiety in the context of haunted houses. He references a post on X [a…tweet? xeet? I should look up the hip new nomenclature] about setting up a room which looks like a break room and someone half out of costume says, “You can’t be back here!” Then he comes up with his own. People in the comments are adding their own.
And, of course, being a person interested in horror and all its related vibes, I thought about my own take. The one that came to mind is maybe a little bit less “social anxiety” and a little more “existential confusion brought about by liminal space” but still.
Doug’s Idea: Trapped in a Loop (Thought Experiment)
This will require either twins or at least two people who look enough alike [possibly by use of costume] to work. In fact, more than one set of doppelgangers would only enhance. It also require people going through roughly one (or one-group) at a time. And a LOT of space and effort. It’s more a thought experiment than something I would personally want to build.
The Rough Steps to the Haunted Loop
Step One: The victim enters into a lobby to start the experience. Someone [Twin A] is in a defined space that matches general expectations for a lobby. There are distinct elements in place, possibly including other people who are “enjoying the experience.” This space should only be entered through an outside or otherwise disassociated region.
Step Two: The victim goes through the exhibit [Path A]. While mostly a normal haunted house, certain elements should be emphasized to trigger a sense of disorientation. More empty space than expected. Points of quiet. Hallways that tilt slightly so it is hard to track exactly where you are in the total experience. Nothing so obvious as to spoil “the joke”. They can hear other people in the distance, but if some of the screams seem a bit distorted or anxious, it is a haunted house after all.
Step Three (optional): At some point the victim comes across a person who seems to be another person just “enjoying” the experience. There clothes are torn a bit. Their face a bit scruffed. Maybe they are a prop. Maybe not. Hard to tell in the light. The person is saying something about being here for hours, there’s no way out, where’s the exit? People dressed as workers approach and very nicely and kindly come up to help the person and then knock on a section on the wall which turns out to be hidden door. They go through it and the door closes, fading back into the background.
Step Four: A few rooms later, maybe the next room, a clear “EXIT” sign is seen. Behind, laughter and playful screams from other guests who are never spotted, no matter how long the victim waits. Finally, the victim goes through the EXIT. If they choose to not go through the exit and backtrack, the voices in front of them fade out and are again behind them.
Step Five: To find the first room’s perfect duplicate down to TWIN B. Every detail should be the same, including other people who were waiting. The second TWIN is directing them towards the door to go on through. “Hurry up!”
Step Six: The entire experience plays out in the exact same way. There is only one difference. The stressed person will be met again only this time their clothing is less torn and while they are clearly a bit confused about where they are, this seems to be them from an hour or two ago.
Step Seven: If you have a really big space and triplets, have another round.
