The third iteration of Doug Bolden's various thoughts and musings.

Tag: AI

There will come soft catfishing…

Current Musical Mood: NMIXX’s Strange Muse.

Adapted from: Photo by Iván Antonio on Unsplash

I assume that most people reading this have some notion of Ray Bradbury’s “There Will Come Soft Rains.” If not, there is a Wikipedia link. It’s worth it, finding a copy. One of THE (definite article) stories.

It got a bit of a boost recently because the date in the story is possibly 4 August 2026 (assuming the system is working). Which meant we just survived one of the fiction nuclear winters. Good for us.

You might have less a notion that the title and theme comes from an anti-war poem by Sara Teasdale about how if people wipe themselves out in a war that nature will not care. It’s a bit wrong, the poem, because humans are part of nature and our passing would have some side-effects. I’m going to quote it in its entirety because I think the sentiment is valid. The thing that cares most about humanity’s survival is humanity and our ability to trick ourselves into thinking that’s a lie is madness:

There will come soft rains and the smell of the ground,
And swallows circling with their shimmering sound;

And frogs in the pools singing at night,
And wild plum-trees in tremulous white;

Robins will wear their feathery fire
Whistling their whims on a low fence-wire;

And not one will know of the war, not one
Will care at last when it is done.

Not one would mind, neither bird nor tree
If mankind perished utterly;

And Spring herself, when she woke at dawn,
Would scarcely know that we were gone.

While the Bradbury story is perhaps mildly prescient about how fast mankind could destroy itself1, I can’t help but feel that some of the horror people face while reading it is that some aspects of our technology will keep working after we are sand and ash. We will be survived by something we consider wholly subservient to us that no longer cares. Piles of plastic trash if nothing else. Miles and miles of destroyed forests and all those extinct species that will never return to the universe. Look upon us, distant and ancient stories, and tremble in dismay…

…because we are colossally stupid.

WHICH IS ONE HELL OF AN INTRO TO THE MAIN POINT OF THIS POST, sorry. Digression is my middle name. Heh, “Dougression”…

The point was story about me reading a reddit thread about a man being soft catfished2 and giving everything away to try and be with a woman who did not exist and how that might constitute a “teaching moment” for the rest of us3. If I am confusing with you, that is ok. It is a confusing time to be alive. There was as Brazilian influencer who did not exist. A man who did exist, according to an article which was not written by a human, gave away his… look, here’s a poem:

Yesterday, on the line
I met a woman who wasn’t mine
She wasn’t mine again today
I guess I’ll give everything away
Just to move some 2000 miles
only to learn she never existed, all the while

I am not linking to the story or the thread because the story was definitely written by AI. Something folks started noticing…

Here’s a legit crazy thought that does not keep me up at night but often makes me go, you know, hmmmm…

…is that a non-zero number of anti-AI reactions are written by AI. AND, I suspect that “non-” portion of non-zero is a number a lot bigger than zero.4

While I could go on and on about the fact that no one’s lonely uncle is going to be safe, anymore, it was actually the Bradbury story I thought about first.

That if somehow people just ceased to be in a way that did not wreck the infrastructure (aliens, I assume, or mutant bigfoot attacks) that there would be at least a time where a bunch bots just responded to bots and wrote articles for bots and music for bots. Think of the millions of thumbs up and posts on Youtube going “2091, anyone?” with no one left to read them.

If only some author had written about the danger of giving over our creative and emotional processes to unfeeling things and how it would leave the earth a barren place, eh?

Just to be fair, Body Snatchers and its OG movie are all about the importance of feeling and creativity and messy emotions and how being replaced by an “rationally arguably correct” but callous way of living will leave the earth a barren place… and a lot of folks have assuming it was an attack on Communists.

We don’t exactly need AI bots to come up with terrible takes.

The important take away is that our stuff is going to survive us. Especially the plastic bits. Sorry, Ozymandias.


  1. It does seem a bit off that a nuclear blast close enough to eradicate a family in a flash would leave their edifice to capitalism and modern convenience standing. Sounds like engineers needed to use that blast-proof tech to protect kids and not just sell expensive smart-houses, eh? ↩︎
  2. “Chatfished” was my clever neologism I was going to use but other people have used it so I have decided it is dumb and childish. Follow-ups included “cAItfished” but frankly “soft catfishing” allowed me to work in the Bradbury story. ↩︎
  3. We are going to leave aside the fact that the non-existent woman almost definitely didn’t invite him to do it, according to the badly written article, meaning the man just…stalked someone who did not exist. Maybe some Brazilian paper has a better version of the story but it is frankly secondary. ↩︎
  4. Just look at all the hype around the attack on the datacenters and people claiming it shifted the arguments online and such. That story feels immensely and quickly overblown. That it helps to dehumanize people who disagree with us online was a bonus feature. ↩︎

No would be my short answer…

from Do customers want AI on their e-readers? [LGT: GoodEReader]:

The use cases stated in the press release were AI features such as translation, transcription, and document summaries. However, this would just be the start; AI is coming for your e-readers whether you like it or not.

I think Michael Kozlowski’s line there at the end is perhaps the only truly pertinent one in the whole article, seeing how the AI space is growing so fast that a) hardware with AI “baked in” will be out of date on a much faster time-line that most e-ink/e-reader devices so these first sacrificial lambs will be in trash heaps within a year and b) the entire AI space is populated by a entire tessellation of pyramid schemes where certain people, once they achieve enough riches, might slow down enough to try and address the growing body of problems.

Since “when a rich asshole has enough money” is slightly less probable than “when pigs fly” or hell freezing over1, my personal assumption that generative AI will largely be fixed post some world-rending crash.

For now, the absolutely non-sense trillion-dollar valuations and projected growth worth more than most countries basically only works if folks keep rapidly adopting it. In a similar vein to how little people like myself (and yourself) were pulled into the stock market by sheer shitloads of late-90s, early-00s propaganda and now that action has propelled a few people into the spheres of worth where no international law seems to actually apply and every attempt to rein in said wealth leads to the billionaire equivalent of hissy-fits.

We have to feed at the Trough™ and…oh, look, just got another email saying my monthly Trough™ fee has been increased to €49.95 unless I allow advertisements on my Trough™ device.

Fucking wank.

The thing is I actually like the potential of the services this could offer. Things like being able to compare the linguistic choices between books, to see references to other books in a series (without wading to middling fan-wikis full of malware ads), get multiple translations, to look up historical events being referenced, to do deeper searches about concepts being discussed, to analyze charts and numbers, to check the veracity of claims… These could be good things.

But for now the folks who want you to want AI are not your friends.

You are the customer and the product. At the same goddamned time.

  1. And far more probable than the bullshit claims that “eye of a camel” was really a secret code that means rich people are actually very, very loved by God. ↩︎

The Future Is Now

I made a [hopefully slight] mistake, Space Pilgrims. In the sheer metric tonnage of things to do prior to moving, I forgot at least one important step.

from a photo by Haley Truong on Unsplash

There’s a company, a tax company, that Kaz and I have worked with for years. As our finances have gotten more complicated, they have they have been great to us. I don’t want to precisely name and shame them—*cough* *cough* Z&5 tycTM *cough* *cough*—but let’s just say that you could come up with an almost-a-pun if you said, with a bit of a swollen mouth, sketch and draw block.

Like a lot of accounts, our account with them is deeply associated with an email address. And in this case, the email was deeply associated with my old job. I had notes to myself, “Doug needs to change this specific email address for {x, y, z, etc},” and in a lot of cases I did.

I think I started to change it there, but when I try to log in to start the annual Joy in Taxes Ritual, it wants my old work email to let me sign in. Despite insisting, in the out of date online help pages, that there should be a button I could button to use another way to verify who I am, said button does not even have the dignity to face me as a man.

So I call.

Pick up a phone and call.

Like an old person.

Only, now there is an AI assistant to help with the phone. Ah, the dream. The future. The slow erosion of all middle-class jobs to make sure there is an even bigger divide between the rich and the riff-raff.

*sips tea* Yes, yes.

At any rate, I smile because why not be nice to the unthinking digital monstrosity feasting on our good will and hopes for a brighter tomorrow, and I respond to the “How can I help you [fleshy creature]?” prompt and I say, in as clear of a voice as I can muster:

“I need help updating my email address on your website.”

This was followed by clicking and clacking sounds. To make me feel like it was thinking and typing out an answer. It went on for a while, so I had some hope that it was digging up some module to actually assist with my problem or at least give me follow-up sub-prompts.

….

………

….

……

“To update your computer, you need to make sure you have the right software…[detailed instructions on finding software as a concept online]…and then make sure your firewall is not blocking the upgrade and install…[some more advice, including contacting the company’s help line for all my tech support needs].”

It “heard” the word “update” and then gave me a response about updating my computer before then appending the standard “there is help available” by giving me the information I had already used to end up in this conversation. It was both an endless loop and a sidequest.

Now, the company does have product-specific software. At least, I assume it does. Wait, let me check….

[pretend clicking and clacking noises]

…yes. It does. It seems like they have it updated through 2025 and I’m sure more AI bots are vibe coding the 2026 version right as we speak. Well, right as I type. I’m not saying this out loud or anything. That would be….crazy, right?

At any rate, while utterly unhelpful, it makes at least some vague sense if their average customer base is calling to ask for tech help and its having to start very basic on a whole.

Still.

The future is now.

After that, I simply said, “Agent, please,” and it made some more clicking clacking, told me human agents were only available from 7am to some other time CST, and then hung up on me.

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